SUBJECT CHANGE

the subject is phobias-

Your fear of love is obvious,

locked down entrances to your heart,

we slip what we can through the mail slot,

look for carelessly unguarded windows.

Somehow, we always find a way in.

Attention Span

It has come to my attention

That you don’t give a damn

And I should leave this place

Yes it has come to my attention

That you just don’t give a damn

I can see it on your face

Road Trip

Photo by George Armstrong (This image is from the FEMA Photo Library.) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

"Detour" said the sign, and I agree.

It's been a long, long time.

I must have missed the turnoff

to take me back to the main road.

I've been lost on these little backroads 

and I can't find my way free.

Left turns are a great way

of catching a glimpse of what lies behind you.

But life in the rearview mirror

is closer than it appears.

Step lightly on the brakes,

or the past will overtake you.

It's a shame that life has so many

damned blind curves.

Well, if the road is winding,

at least the scenery's nice.

And it looks like it's all downhill

from here.

July 18th, 1996

Mutual Paradox© Cammie S. Sinor, 2014

Insomnia

Up past my bedtime again.

I sleep best

when I wrap myself up in the belief

that you are here beside me.

Curled up around my memories,

along with an old, tear-streaked

shirt of yours

that probably smells more like me

than you at this point.

I convince myself

that the pillow is your back,

until I can almost feel you

breathing up and down.

So I drift off,

for an hour or a minute,

wake cold, restart the process,

and work myself fitfully toward

morning.

March 3rd, 1997

Mutual Paradox© Cammie S. Sinor, 2014

Transformation

My life is different, now.

It revolves around car repairs and bills

instead of chases and thrills.

I write, instead of poems, lists.

Life is planned now.

It doesnt just happen.

Sometimes I miss my freedom.

I was so sure of my identity, then.

Even if it was mostly a fantasy

of my own making.

Now, it's too rooted in reality.

Mirrored reflections grow unkind.

Yet, I am not blind to the past.

I remember pathos, loneliness, yearning.

Looking for a place to be me,

a woman to share with,

a life of fulfillment.

This I don't miss.

For I have that, now.

No longer lonely, I'm loved.

No longer empty, fulfilled.

No longer Knight Errant,

I am...

Lord of the Manor?

Mutual Paradox© Cammie S. Sinor, 2014

DIANA

I have chased her across many lifetimes. I don't remember when or how, in which lifetime I finally realized this. It was a gradual awareness. At first, I would simply recognize her on first meeting; recognize her from some place deeper than my mind. My gut would cry out to me that this was the one. I would tighten up, preparing for the chase, the hunt, the eventual capture. This time, it will happen, I'd think.

IN SIGHT

If I could give you just one gift,

I'd show you the monsters under the bed

are not near as terrifying

as the ones in your mind.

I'd free your heart to love,

take down the walls that lock you in.

Show you how much you're hurting you,

and how much that hurts me.

If I could give you just one gift.

I would give you the gift of confidence...

in yourself, in your strength,

and in your ideas.

I'd give you clarity and sight,

an end to your confused run.

The perserverence to follow

a dream to it's end.

But all I can give you 

is my own love and support,

clear and true. 

Is it enough

Just keeping you in sight?

Mutual Paradox© Cammie S. Sinor, 2014